january first, 2008

There are times in life when time stands still. Motion turn into slow motion. Adrenaline burns the skin. You wonder if reality is maintaining itself.

On January 1^st, in the early morning hours after waking up, Jasper fell while playing at Mara’s parent’s house in Puerto Rico. It was immediately apparent this wasn’t a typical fall that we dust off his knees. We quickly noticed blood seeming from his right eye combined with ear pinching screams of pain. Within a second, a blink of an eye, the next few days instantly became a roller coaster of emotion, fear, and pain.

I’ll briefly write the story and apologize in advance if mara + I have not personally told you the news. We know a great deal of people visit the blog and felt it might be the best method to get the news out as we have a hard time recounting it without the emotion over taking us.

Mara is from a small town in Puerto Rico named Lares. Given it was New Years day, the town ER was deserted and did not have the facilities required to help. It was apparent we had to rush to San Juan, an hour and half away. 15 minutes later I was strapped to the stretcher with jasper lying on my chest. It would be dangerous for Mara being pregnant to hold him during the bumpy ride. Exhausted from screaming, he eventually gave up asking for mara and fell asleep in my arms. Mara and I looked at our son and prayed with the conviction and sorrow through tears of two new scared parents wishing we could trade the pain with him.

We arrived at the wrong ER room in San Juan. More anxiety built up. Back in the ambulance, another 5 minute ride got us into the correct one.

Wheeled into the ER, a team of doctors was recruited to hold down Jasper for one of them to see inside the eye. Fortunately, all doctors at the hospital speak and write their notes in English. Although everything else was in Spanish (nurses, medicine, forms, etc) I was able to ask the emergency ophthalmologist the prognosis. He said jasper had lacerated his cornea. It was deep and long. Sight using the eye was unknown. The tear was great enough that some of his iris had leaked out.

A MRI scan was ordered to discover if parts of the metal remained in the eye. Jasper, emotional and stressed, was sedated since he had thrown up twice already while we waited for the scanner. An hour later, he was laid on the scanner bed and passed out.

It was determined nothing foreign remained in the eye. A surgery would be needed to close the open laceration immediately. It was scheduled for 6pm.

He was wheeled back into the ER room after throwing up once more (a side effect of the sedation drug). Mara and I traded watching over him as I began to make phone calls to my family.

As the surgery took place, I waited along an exterior waiting room along with mara and her parents. It was a time to reflect on the day. A time to take a deep long breath and wonder the future. You try and tell yourself everything would be okay. It was a time to realize it was out of your hands and in the surgeon’s hand guided by God.

By 11pm, we were told the surgery was successful since they were able to keep his eye. Neither an infection nor any other trauma was enough for them to remove the eye. The bad news is that the tear required 12 stitches. The tear went from top to bottom and is located in the center of the eye, obstructing the field of vision, and it was unknown if he had damaged his retina. There was too much blood in the eye to see under the microscope. This is important because if the retina is detached, there would be little hope he would have sight in the eye again. In addition, possibly more immediate surgeries would be needed if the retina was damaged.

We were told he would be in the hospital until Friday. An ultrasound would be performed the following day, Wednesday, to hopefully see if the retina suffered trauma. If the retina and optic nerve remained attached, the surgeons explained how sight from the eye might be possible, but will require many more future surgeries along with a great deal of rehabilitation. In the immediate time, eye drops needed to be placed in his eye every 2 hours during the day and a protective plastic cover would cover the eye to prevent him damaging it more.

After the surgery, Mara was able to come to his bedside. He had developed a bit of a cough, much like the croup cough he’s been in the hospital twice already for. Soon, myself along with mara’s parents were able to see him. We walked with him, still unconscious, to his room where that we would shared with three other children.

The following morning, jasper woke up, understandably groggy and cranking. He would not open his eyes at all. He sat in his hospital crib or in our arms, communicated with finger points and through his few words, but kept his eyes shut. At one point he asked for a ball. When we placed a stuffed ball in his hand, he drew back and whipped it across the hospital room. A smile wiped across his face. Both eyes still closed. For the next hour or so, he chuckled while I fetched a ball he would throw around the room…while he kept his eyes completely shut.

Around noon, jasper was brought to an examination room where the doctors needed to check if the stitches were intact. This meant opening the swollen closed eye. I will spare you the details. Suffice to say, it required myself along with two other doctors to hold jasper down. I’ve never said Hail Marys so fast in my life.

The ultrasound was postponed to the next day due to the stress we had put him through on the eye exam. Around 5pm that day, he was back to playing and signing and even giving kisses but had not opened his eyes until mara nestled her face next to his and said “boo”. He opened his good eye and stunned, began to sob. It was apparent he was relived to see our faces.

Mara spent the night in the hospital once more. Rules stated only one parent was allowed to stay overnight. But now she had developed a horrible cough and could tell she was getting sick.

The next day delivered us the first good news. We decided to sedate jasper to get a good ultrasound reading. The ultrasound showed the retina was still attached to the optic nerve.

His old personality came back immediately. The eye swelling had subsided and he was opening his good eye and moving around with ease. In fact, the struggle for us was now keeping him in our arms or crib. He wanted so desperately to get on the floor and move around, explore this new place. It was hard to allow him to walk around since the IV had been previously stuck in both of his hands as well as the opposite foot. We did not want to redo this forth placement in his left foot. Eventually, a makeshift shoe made of gauze, tape, and cardboard was made to secure the IV so he could throw the ball standing on the floor.

By now, we knew this tragedy had not affected jasper personality one bit. His smile was still constantly on his face, his need of exploration and curiosity was getting him into danger with buttons and nozzles he wanted so badly to press, and his depth perception, a bit of a worry of mine, was pretty darn good. At this point, it was determined we could fly back immediately to LA. We made contact with the Children’s Hospital in LA and scheduled an appointment on Monday to see a pediatric cornea specialist. Under advice from my dad, I made a trip to the San Juan airport since the hospital was 15 minutes away to plead my case for a new flight home. American Airlines came through for us: selling us a direct flight for $850 instead of the asking price of over $2,500. My hats off to them.

The next day at the airport, we grabbed a quick breakfast with Mara’s parents before catching the plane. Jasper was a bit restless in the highchair so I took him to a gift shop. The first thing he saw was a sculpture of a pirate. It was a scruffy dude with a eye patch and grin. I wish I knew if he understood the irony in it.

Tragedies can either tear apart or unite the bond even stronger within a family. In recent times, I’ve discovered that they bring my immediate family even closer. Mara + I feel so damn lucky to have families like we do.

Mara + I have also realized our friends are our family. We’ve received so much support, help, and prayers from our friends that we are forever indebted to them.

I will be updating the progress and status on jasper soon once we know the exact future.